Author Archives: Jess

Jun20

nostalgic

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left alone to my own devices i start thinking… mostly about how i used to have friends that i could just call up and drive over … or just drive over… show up in the driveway and thats all i needed to do…  If this is what being an adult feels like, can i go back? well not all the way back, but just back to then… with parts of now. I’d bring parts of now with me, hope they could get along. Long “deep and thinky” talks over bonfires. maybe i just have something to prove, that i can be happy. Maybe its to share the happy. maybe its because they signify a time i didn’t have to answer to anyone. Not that i have to now, but I’m so far away that the reckless random takes more effort. Sometimes i wonder how i made it here, nice and stable, but i know if i wanted to walk out to the middle of nowhere and play on a jungle gym drinking gin and Gatorade, most of my life would find that perfectly acceptable.  I lack my sanity and balance. My world seems to have been temporarily distorted.  just another week and hopefully the normal will return. until then…

I got my septum pierced in califorinia as an ode to tiffany compton. She was my partner in crime far more artsy and deep than i could ever hope to be. One of the few who understood my obsession with piercings and tattoos at 16.  Ran through the woods with me in the middle of the night, looking for a swingset. I have sister tattooed on my hip for a few people, its in russian for one, its there for the boys who held my hand. The ones who saw me reckless and mean and I was the first girl they knew to act like one of the guys. Maybe thats my super power, just to be one of the guys. Just girly enough to have the shape and give decent advice, but not so much that I can’t run around in the dark doing stupid shit – or more likely picking up the pieces after they do the stupid shit. I love to lay out at night looking up at the stars, out in the middle of no where. I love to sit on the trunk of my car staring into your eyes.  I love waking up to coffee early in the morning. I love having coffee at two am with old friends. my first tattoo was supposed to represent my sisters. My second to represent fate. maybe I’ll never forget you because you were there with me. the third one was all on my own trying not to clench my teeth. The 4th one, my little brothers held my hand and egged me on. The last one, out of spite. To prove my independence and start the beginning of the end.  And now, the next one, a celebration.

i think i give up. maybe i’ll be illogical later. maybe i’ve used up all my logical, its on limited supply at the moment. I thought i had more saved up than that, but i guess not.

Jun19

Letter for you 2

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I knew the weekend would be the hardest. During the week most of the day I’m at work. Even yesterday on my day off I had things to do most of the time, then dinner out with friends and a 2ish mile walk. (which hopefully I’ll be able to do more often). Then at home, you were gone. You were out with friends in a city too far away. Things like that always make me worry.

Today I have a list of things i want to get done around the house and that will likely keep me busy for the day. If I ever get around to doing them.

Right now, I’m just sitting. Made breakfast, having my coffee.

7:34pm
You’ve spent all day at with a friend, now at his wedding. I’ve spent the day cleaning and thinking non-stop about weddings. I hate that. I also hate that I feel guilty for it. No. Guilty is not the word. I just don’t have you here to share it with. You’re not here to veto my outrageousness and fake plan with me.  We need to just elope, I don’t want to actually have to decide any of this. I’m really bad at being home alone, but I really have no desire to actually go any where or be remotely social.

Jun18

hyphen

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I have two last names… depending on where you look it is hyphenated or not. Twice today I had people ask me which one was the correct one and when did i change it. I’ve used  both last names since my senior year in high school. I’ve only used both since I moved out of Michigan. Really, it’s you freaks or your crappy computer systems that choose to use one or the other.  “when did you change it” is not an appropriate answer when you’re staring at the copy of my DL and insurance card… ITS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY.

Growing up I used Dad’s last name… up until i had to legally do things, like ACT and a driver’s license… In Michigan, you can’t just have two last names, which is how it is on my birth certificate (but not my ss card), so i had to use the hyphen. It stuck because most things will accept a hyphen and not a space… Well in here, there is a space, but since i used the hypen for so long, it is that why on everything else. One sister has a hypen, but only uses Dad’s last name.  I think when the littlest sister was born Mom asked whether or not to include the hyphen… I told her to include it because it would be easier to get used to it being there.

Don’t even get me started about people forgetting letters in my last name… yes its a T not a D… yes there is an E at the end of that one… yes there are TWO r’s…

brought to you by: http://blog.jgc.org/2010/06/your-last-name-contains-invalid.html

Jun18

Day Off Adventures

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Originally I took today off to go with OtherJ to a wedding in Philly. Since OtherJ ended up having to go out of town for work for two weeks, I stayed home and he is going on his own since its closer to where he’s working. This gave me the day to get my scary toe/foot taken care of again.

The foot is eczema, the toe is maybe fungus, both maybe allergies… Doctor is kinda stumped because it not typical. More drugs, will be going back in a month, hopfully not having to do an allergy patch test…

Jun17

That took longer than it should have

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Upgraded wordpress, broke my site, spent all night trying to figure out WTF happened, OtherJ could not help, try a couple more times, and finally, start over … that file you need to edit you can’t find… which means its hidden cause you can see it with the ftp thingy… dur… now back to try and find the thing that would fix it… try 4 other things that don’t fix it… finally stumble on the very first thing you searched for when the whole damn thing broke… arg… Well. I can get into my admin page now, my plugins work, and things are no longer broken. good.

Jun15

Letters to you

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You are my calm. You are my best friend. You are one of the smartest people i know, but won’t even recognize it. You are selfless and kind. I had to quit my job to spend 4 months in an internship to finish my degree. We moved into a new / bigger apartment the week after I quit. You were shouldering the majority of our combined bills you never complained, never made me feel bad for not being able to contribute. In the end, I didn’t end up going into the field i received my degree in. I went back to my low paying job. You have never said anything other than “do what makes you happy.”
You dream. You have your own hobbies and want to share them with me, but don’t get put out if it’s just not something I’m into. You fit like a glove into my family. Even my dog loved you immediately.You make plans and day dream with me. Your crooked smile, it gets me.
You are artistic and logical. I knew I loved you grocery shopping one day. ( i think before you officially moved in with me) We were picking out bread, I was looking in one direction and you were looking the other way, some stupid song came on the speakers in the store I started dancing around being silly. When i turned around, you did too and you were dancing.

Jun5

I heart comics

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In general regularly:
http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/gws.html
http://questionablecontent.net/
http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/comic.asp?feature_id=Retail
http://xkcd.com/
http://www.cad-comic.com/cad/

Specifically:
http://www.darcomic.org/2007/10/30/helpinghands/

so today we went to the local comic convention… where it took me an hour or so to be talked into going to up to an artist that we came to see. even then  the deal was that OtherJ would do all the money handling and talking so i would not spew word vomit all over the table. this did not work out well because said artist decided to engage her patrons… I’m anti social but i cannot avoid direct questions – I’m not that big of a bitch.  It went well. We bought a book and took pictures of sighing said book.  Way too many people there though, WAY to many people for me to be tossed in a room with. OtherJ wonders how i would have missed this whole – people being at a convention thing… I don’t know. I remember going with my Dad, usually on a sunday… maybe i just want to remember less people.
Said comic con did have something pretty awesome, “indie island”, which was invite only webcomics all tossed together. It was very cool.  Which is were Danielle Corsetto was at, next to her was Erika Moen who I have started reading tonight. Though, here i linked to the first comic, not the last comic so you do not spoil the ending.

Jun3

Short Vacation

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This past weekend we rented a car, packed up the demons and drove to MI for K’s wedding. Interesting ridiculous that happened along the way. 1) Flat tire the day before the wedding, which had to be taken in to get fixed the day of the wedding. 2) stripper pole on the party bus 3) got flashed by a groom’sman’s wife/girlfriend not sure 4) random hugs and weird handshakes by people i’ll never see again in the receiving line.  OK that may not be interesting or ridiculous, but still weird.

Friday: left at 5am, had dinner with parents @ 7pm.

Saturday: Nails at 11:30, rehearsal at 3:30, rehearsal dinner afterward, the top of my dress needs to be sewn closed before Matt’s wedding so my boob will stop falling out.

Sunday: Getting tire fixed, getting ready for wedding, wedding, pictures, more pictures, reception at fancy pants hotel, sleep

Monday: bunny food and beer purchasing, dinner with family, pictures of charlie chaplin building, slurpy stop, looking at old pictures with family

Tuesday: drive home

Wednesday: recovery.

May23

week before K’s wedding

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Plans: Sunday – done with hemming, bagged all the fancy clothes to keep them protected against bunny hair, started laying out things that have to go with us. Cleaned the house and was even lazy for a little while… now back to being lazy.

Monday – Work, start packing real clothes

Tuesday – Work, laundry

Wednesday – work – finish packing clothes

Thursday – get rental car, work, pack bunny stuff and our non immediate use stuff into car.

Friday – wake up early, pack everyone into car, drive and drive and drive and drive, arrive, have noms with family.

Saturday – family time, rehearsal

Sunday – K’s wedding

May11

dreams

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I had a dream last night. It started out that i was lost. Running around a city where i could just make out the roof of the building I had to get to, so finding my way was interesting. I was following a friend for a while and then I was all alone with my phone, who’s maps were not sending me in the right direction.

When I found my way I was on the stairs of a building being greeted by random family members. I look up and its a church, i look down and I’m in a white dress. Oh and I have to pee. The overwhelming thought was, “why am i getting married in a church?” This may not seem like a weird idea for most people, but for me – for us – this venue does not make sense at all. I rush past people and into the bathroom where there is a line. And you have to pay to get into the stall… did i forget i left my purse outside?

One of my bridesmaids rescued me. And then we were in my apartment, well not mine, an apartment that could have been mine. OtherJ was waiting in the bedroom, getting ready. Bridesmaids in odd dresses were wandering around doing last minute things. I looked up at OtherJ and the world kinda stopped. He asked me if I’d eaten yet. I ran through forgotten vows in my head. Because even though I’m getting married in some random foreign church, I’m still getting married and that part made me happy. We were just standing in the middle of the room, when a bridesmaid came in and said it was time to go… and then it was time to get up and take showers.