Today is 5 years since we officially started dating. Though we’d been seeing each other for about 6 weeks beforehand. In a little over two weeks we are officially getting married. Some days it seems like no time has really passed at all (as in time flies) and others it feels like I’ve know him forever and we’ve grown into this symbiotic blob. Neither are a bad feeling when I stop to think about them. Often in a weird ways they are both comfortable and exciting all at once.
One of my biggest worries about our wedding day is getting all ugly cry-face and not being able to speak because I’m hyperventilating all over my pretty dress and new shoes. This is a worry because he deserves to have his new wife articulate how awesome he is coherently to their loved ones. (even if they really already know, it’s hard to miss) I know everyone will understand the ugly cry-face and some may get a little weepy as well. Weepy in this case is good for you.
So while I’ll probably not be able to be understood I will be meaning…
“I love you. I’m so happy to be getting married to my best friend. And I can’t wait to continue to experience life with you.
Cause no one on the planet will get this but us…
So I’m walking by the escalator out of the expo area, look over and vinny and drew are head toward the escalator to leave.
He stops, and steps aside with me we talked for like 2 minutes.
“Hey look man, it was nice meeting you, but I got get moving. We rangled Brad down, and once we do that we gotta bounce else he’ll wander off”
“You’re going to see Brad? Can I come?”
So I follow him, we meet up with Ryan and slowly make our way out the cab area. They meet up with brad and start heading toward the cab.
“Hey Brad! I have such a man crush on you”
“I have no idea how to respond to that.”
And we shook hands.
“I stopped one of the girls working at the Booth and told her I would do whatever I had to to get that shirt off her. Then things got awkward.”
i’m exhausted, I can’t wait for you to get home so I go back to a normal sleep schedule. but I love staying up til the weeee hours of the morning talking to you.
Quotes found by Kris… just cause
Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum. ~Graycie Harmon
Stupidity is a talent for misconception. — edgar allan poe
OtherJ gets home from business in a couple days. I will be happen when this business trip is done and over with. I will hold a protest if another business trip like this comes up. I will quit my job and come along. During the week things are mostly normal. The weekends however are full of unnecessary mind wanderings that i would be happy to do with out. I did get some cleaning done, and then I got distracted emailing OtherJ for hours on end back and forth. We went to bed at 2:30 am… I couldn’t sleep, so it was a welcome distraction.
So this got me thinking, i found the poem in my lit book senior year of high school… since i had a fascination with tattoos it jumped out at me… i still love it.
First Poem for You
by Kim Addonizio
I like to touch your tattoos in complete
darkness, when I can’t see them. I’m sure of
where they are, know by heart the neat
lines of lightning pulsing just above
your nipple, can find, as if by instinct, the blue
swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent
twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you
to me, taking you until we’re spent
and quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss
the pictures in your skin. They’ll last until
you’re seared to ashes; whatever persists
or turns to pain between us, they will still
be there. Such permanence is terrifying.
So I touch them in the dark; but touch them, trying.
You are my calm. You are my best friend. You are one of the smartest people i know, but won’t even recognize it. You are selfless and kind. I had to quit my job to spend 4 months in an internship to finish my degree. We moved into a new / bigger apartment the week after I quit. You were shouldering the majority of our combined bills you never complained, never made me feel bad for not being able to contribute. In the end, I didn’t end up going into the field i received my degree in. I went back to my low paying job. You have never said anything other than “do what makes you happy.”
You dream. You have your own hobbies and want to share them with me, but don’t get put out if it’s just not something I’m into. You fit like a glove into my family. Even my dog loved you immediately.You make plans and day dream with me. Your crooked smile, it gets me.
You are artistic and logical. I knew I loved you grocery shopping one day. ( i think before you officially moved in with me) We were picking out bread, I was looking in one direction and you were looking the other way, some stupid song came on the speakers in the store I started dancing around being silly. When i turned around, you did too and you were dancing.
friend in icu was better today. lungs sound better and drugs might be working.
I had my second interview which was really short. two questions and one didn’t count. I didn’t have any for her. five minutes tops. hopefully I’ll find out the final decison soon. this whole waiting crap is killer.
had to drop otherj’s car at the mechanic again. stupid break lights. so I’m at work early with nothing to do for 20 minutes. ok only 10 left but still. waiting games suck.
maybe its just because of the holidays and maybe its just my own over sensitivity to things but people seem increasingly religious lately. people who are normally calm level headed raging against “happy holidays.” People who are normally non-religious in every day vernacular wishing “blessed” holidays or similar. Though OtherJ and i noticed the other day, that even on our little redneck area of the planet we have not seen one sign that said – specifically – ‘Jesus is the reason for the season.’ This tiny thing made us happy. The awareness to these things may be stemming from the fact that I am increasingly anti-religion in general, though I don’t remember being pro- religion any time in recent history. I have some family that are very religious but they also seem to be practicing what they are preaching and focusing on the being a good person good to other people rather than the exclusionary parts. Actually almost all of my family who is religious is this way it seems… maybe i should focus on that part rather than the small things that just rub me the wrong way. We don’t have to agree on everything. Maybe its the two faced part of religion that just gets to me. Saying one thing and then completely ignoring the other parts… picking and choosing from whatever fits their purpose at the time. at least admit to it. *sigh* I don’t think I have a religious bone in my body. Maybe I’m just lazy or too apathetic. I’ve been working fine from internal disapproval and guilt without the added pressure of someone else looking over my shoulder and watching me live in sin. Which part of me is perfectly happy to continue to do based on the fact that not everyone is doing it by choice. Considering the definition of words changes overtime a million times why is it that everyone is hooked on a word that has been an exchange of human cattle and more of an economic status to something that is pseudo-religious and just a means to show legal responsibility for children. Why is it now that people care about defining it so stringently and making so exclusive. More and more people are not doing it at all because – well there isn’t much of a point depending on where you live. Though there is a tax break here, if you’re not religious there isn’t much more of a reason. You don’t have to be legally bound to another person to throw a party and celebrate with the other people you love, but I don’t think they’d be as willing to give you presents or travel across the country. “Think of the children…” I’m not convinced I want children. And even if I did want/have them, I’m not convinced you need to be married in order to have them. I know many perfectly happy people unmarried -by choice or not- who have perfectly happy relationships and well brought up children. If in some distant (my version of distant at this point is 10 years) future I change my mind and make procreating a goal in my life, this whole “think of the children” idea may be part of that discussion, but it might not. OtherJ and I have three friends getting married this year (officially this year now), I have at least one having more children and I am perfectly content to live vicariously through them for the moment. Part of me wants to get married in the future. No real logical reason other than wanting that legally binding declaration celebrating with friends and family. I sometimes wonder why non religious people want to get married – but then i remember there are certain benefits here. What happens if someone needs to make medical decisions, what happens to any sort of pension that may exist in the future, other little things for surviving family members; legal family members not just the people you consider to be your family. Sometimes I feel completely alone in how I think. I realize that no one is going to think exactly like me, but there are times I feel like none gets it – at least not all of it. My friends & family range from the one end of the spectrum to the other so I can understand no one really understanding. OtherJ gets me for the most part, and the parts he doesn’t he tries to if I can get the words out to explain. I’m happy with that. It would probably be less interesting if it were any other way.
Today I read “Ten Challenges of the Religious Community,” by nakedpastor. It made me happy and started this whole rambling session. Normally I follow the Friendly Atheist, Praying to Darwin, and the Redheaded Skeptic . Though Praying to Darwin is not normally any where close to religious – she’s funny and Canadian – so I love her. I’d look into being Canadian too if it weren’t so cold to live there. Something else I’ve been reading/looking at recently because OtherJ is mostly if not entirely Buddhist is http://www.buddhanet.net, which is more philosophical than religious. Maybe I’m swinging that way but I’m probably too angry and confrontational to be Buddhist. I don’t think I’d last very long. Its a good think I’m mostly a coward and non-confrontational otherwise I’m sure I’d have had my ass kicked more by now.
Events to look forward to this year? getting to meet Miss Madeline, Kris and Trent’s wedding, Matt and Marie’s wedding, visits to MI, PA and NH, a real vacation, Ashley’s babies, and I’m sure there are more but those stick out in my head right now. I’m sure I’ll be able to fit more events to look forward to in to the year and I’m sure a lot of those events will within the events listed above. If I’m missing anything let me know.
Now how’s that for the first post of two thousand and ten? Maybe I should do this more often.
Word count: 1003 TLDR: meh meh meh meh, meh
I’m laying here in bed typing this on my phone, which in itself is a big indication of how lucky I am. but I’ve been thinking about how lucky I am lately. I don’t have a want for anything, really. maybe to see family more but nothing else I can think of.
I have a job that I don’t dread waking up for, I can pay my bills, and as of December first I have health insurance. I’ll be able to take time off work in may and June to go to Kris/Trent’s wedding then Matt/Marie’s and spend a little time with family. I live in a nice apartment and have healthy animals. We are comfortable with our lives and even spoiled. 75% of the year we are able to spend our weekends hiking in the mountains and stand 6500 miles above sea level looking out over NC, and parts of TN and VA.
We see things and explore places that few people are able to. Normal every day people don’t get to for various reason. Days where I’m standing in the sun, looking out over the ground thousands to feet below and unless someone is talking louder than is necessary, I feel like we’re the only people on the planet. Being able to sleep in until we really wake up, and then stay in bed just being make me feel the same way. Isolated and comfortable to just… be. Days when I can only feel lucky.
Panoramas will be added later.