In the early morning on Christmas day we picked up my sister from the airport. It was a surprise for our parents, because her schedule kept changing. We all slept at the hotel so that we didn’t wake anyone in the middle of the night. When morning came we asked the parents to hide in their room and J3 in hers, walked the big present into the living room and hid my sister under the tree with it.
They didn’t notice her at first but eventually everyone cried and a good Christmas was had. With almost all of us in the same house.
Part of me was dreading it. My sisters and I have strange relationships. J3 sees me as Mom #2 and as a teenager that has got to be infuriating. I try most of the time to control my urge to chastise her or remind her about some responsibility. I don’t succeed most of the time. I didn’t talk to her about why talking about money in relation to gift giving is rude. Not all of our family is as well off as we are and mentioning how much something cost or who paid for it only makes people feel bad or obligated to match the worth in some way. And this goes both ways. I should have but I’m not sure it would have been well received. It probably isn’t my place anyways. I’m still working on figuring out what that is.
J2 and I grew up together and are far enough apart in age that we fought like crazy. Close enough that we always had a playmate and to get into trouble in our late teens. And then I moved away. We are polar opposites in alot of ways and very similar in others. We didn’t become adults together. I think we actually spent most of the last 10 years not talking. Not on purpose I don’t think, but just not.
The day we were leaving my parents we went to Ikea with my dad and sisters.
In the frames and mass produced artwork J2 and I started talking. The other pairs or sisters we know, that she knows, are alot closer than we are. She was wondering why that is. I don’t think I’d ever thought about it before.
The only things I could think of, at least with the sister pairs I know was age (most of them are only a year apart, and they are in the same parts of life at the same time) and the fact that for the most part they have become adults together. In our adult lives we have never been in the same location. I was out at school, in California, in North Carolina she was either back in Michigan, in the military all over the place or Japan. And with our age, there were alot of things during that time that we experienced that were she was just starting a journey when I was finishing it.
I don’t know that being in the same place to would have helped much day to day, but at least the maturing wouldn’t have been so jarring because we would have seen each other more often and had the opportunity to do stupid things together. We could have been at each other’s weddings and know how to read each other’s bullshit better.
And then I put a basket on her head and we made jokes at the expense of an entire culture, cause we are jerks.
I don’t want to be like my mom and her sister who barely talk and don’t know anything about the other’s life. Neither of them would have any idea how the other felt, all of their memories of each other are 20+ years old and they are both different people now. Maybe if one had had more influence on the other they would be more balanced people. But then again one could have made the other balls out crazy.
As a rule I don’t like NY resolutions, cause they are stupid and if you’re going to change something you don’t need a date to start, you procrastinating lazy ass. But I don’t think this counts since we already talked about it. It’s just a beginning.
2015 is the year to be a better sister.