Day 03: Something with which you struggle.


I struggle with alot of things like most people, but listing them all would almost miss the point of this whole little exercize and would just end with me hating everything. I’ve picked two that I think are important and normal to most people.

patience (Noun) The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
I have very little in some cases. Many of them involve when something does not live up to expecations. For example, I expect people to be honest and follow directions. To me this seems like common sense and involves the least amount of effort. Another example is that I expect people to have common sense and think critically. I am often struggling to find patience for this seemingly endless letdown.
Right now I am working in a contract postion that ends in the middle of the year, there will probably be no hope of me being hired permantly. I am already looking for another job. I have already felt unqualified and useless. Things I know I am not, but feel like when I look at my resume. Do I need to be moving on to a new job yet? No. Do I need to be worried about finding another job? No. I am qualified for a great many postions and am really only looking for the “perfect” one right now. I do not want to settle but I really really want to be a little more secure in my employeement status.
I just need to take a deep breath and count to 10. Remind myself that not all expectations will be met, and that is ok. Roll with it and keep moving.

purpose (Noun) The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
I find myself often wondering what my own purpose is in life. Not that is predetermine or bestowed upon me or even a fixed point, but just what is it. What is the goal, what am I working towards, or even why am I bothering doing or being this. I think this a person’s purpose changes for most people depending on the specific point in time. For some people they may be born educators and fullfil this by being teachers and parents and role models. For some it is to fight for a just cause and they end up being lawyers or working to raise money for cancer research.
I struggle with my own sense of purpose, either finding or deciding it. I feel weightless and floating most of the time with no real goal or intentions. I feel unbalanced and without an anchor. So I am trying again, going back to school and trying something new. And that is ok but since I also struggle with patience, it angers me sometimes that I do not have this part down OMGRIGHTNOW…even if it changes later.

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