Category Archives: thought

non-religious xmas

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How does one who is not at all religious celebrate Christmas? … The same way lots of people do. Presents and eating. We have a tree and a nice dinner and spend the day together. We are thankful and use the day to practice traditions that mean something to us. We will eat chinese food or something that makes us happy, we might play video games or watch a movie. But the day will be about us and the people we love even if we cannot be with them. That is what Christmas is really about.

We are not religious, in fact most of the time we are headed to hell in a a hand basket… well if you believe in that at all. We use this day because we have it off work. It is a national holiday so if we were not actually off of work we’d be getting paid time and a half, but in recent years we have the day off. It is convenient. I like that even if you do not believe in the whole jebus thing that a good amount of people all have the day off of work and can spend time with their family and other loved ones. They can eat and pass around stories or presents or sit in front of the tv watching some horrible tv marathon.

I cannot be with the majority of my family today. But I will give them a call when they are all together and tell them I love them. The family I can be with, I will watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” with and be grateful they are right here. We will wake up in the morning like little kids and unwrap the presents that have been flowing in this week and we will be grateful that we are loved from all across the country. We will eat and drink and be happy. We will order (hopefully) chinese food and carry on the Jewish tradition for Xmas.

The point is a non-religious xmas has endless possibilities, but we are thrilled to have the day off of work to spend with eachother and call our families across the country to remind them that we love them.

Thoughts

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Sometimes I wish we were from the same place. So when we went home we did not have to sit through the trips down memory lane of other people. So you didn’t have to sit while I visited with friends and their babies or be left with people you don’t know. We could do our own thing and meet in the middle.

I wish visiting didn’t always seem so rushed, with 577298438 things to do. I wish we had longer to see everyone and actually visit.

I hope this coming holiday is more relaxing than the last few trips to see my family. We actually have time. I am glad we finally have the stability to have the time. Next year maybe we’ll have a vacation for real. Maybe we can spend a good amount of time up north. Maybe soon we’ll make them all visit us.

untitled

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I feel lost today. Needy and kinda lonely. Everything is kinda uncomfortable right now. everything exciting is too far off to make plans for or indefinite or nonexistant. this post is pointless really.

nostalgic

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left alone to my own devices i start thinking… mostly about how i used to have friends that i could just call up and drive over … or just drive over… show up in the driveway and thats all i needed to do…  If this is what being an adult feels like, can i go back? well not all the way back, but just back to then… with parts of now. I’d bring parts of now with me, hope they could get along. Long “deep and thinky” talks over bonfires. maybe i just have something to prove, that i can be happy. Maybe its to share the happy. maybe its because they signify a time i didn’t have to answer to anyone. Not that i have to now, but I’m so far away that the reckless random takes more effort. Sometimes i wonder how i made it here, nice and stable, but i know if i wanted to walk out to the middle of nowhere and play on a jungle gym drinking gin and Gatorade, most of my life would find that perfectly acceptable.  I lack my sanity and balance. My world seems to have been temporarily distorted.  just another week and hopefully the normal will return. until then…

I got my septum pierced in califorinia as an ode to tiffany compton. She was my partner in crime far more artsy and deep than i could ever hope to be. One of the few who understood my obsession with piercings and tattoos at 16.  Ran through the woods with me in the middle of the night, looking for a swingset. I have sister tattooed on my hip for a few people, its in russian for one, its there for the boys who held my hand. The ones who saw me reckless and mean and I was the first girl they knew to act like one of the guys. Maybe thats my super power, just to be one of the guys. Just girly enough to have the shape and give decent advice, but not so much that I can’t run around in the dark doing stupid shit – or more likely picking up the pieces after they do the stupid shit. I love to lay out at night looking up at the stars, out in the middle of no where. I love to sit on the trunk of my car staring into your eyes.  I love waking up to coffee early in the morning. I love having coffee at two am with old friends. my first tattoo was supposed to represent my sisters. My second to represent fate. maybe I’ll never forget you because you were there with me. the third one was all on my own trying not to clench my teeth. The 4th one, my little brothers held my hand and egged me on. The last one, out of spite. To prove my independence and start the beginning of the end.  And now, the next one, a celebration.

i think i give up. maybe i’ll be illogical later. maybe i’ve used up all my logical, its on limited supply at the moment. I thought i had more saved up than that, but i guess not.

Letter for you 2

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I knew the weekend would be the hardest. During the week most of the day I’m at work. Even yesterday on my day off I had things to do most of the time, then dinner out with friends and a 2ish mile walk. (which hopefully I’ll be able to do more often). Then at home, you were gone. You were out with friends in a city too far away. Things like that always make me worry.

Today I have a list of things i want to get done around the house and that will likely keep me busy for the day. If I ever get around to doing them.

Right now, I’m just sitting. Made breakfast, having my coffee.

7:34pm
You’ve spent all day at with a friend, now at his wedding. I’ve spent the day cleaning and thinking non-stop about weddings. I hate that. I also hate that I feel guilty for it. No. Guilty is not the word. I just don’t have you here to share it with. You’re not here to veto my outrageousness and fake plan with me.  We need to just elope, I don’t want to actually have to decide any of this. I’m really bad at being home alone, but I really have no desire to actually go any where or be remotely social.

Letters to you

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You are my calm. You are my best friend. You are one of the smartest people i know, but won’t even recognize it. You are selfless and kind. I had to quit my job to spend 4 months in an internship to finish my degree. We moved into a new / bigger apartment the week after I quit. You were shouldering the majority of our combined bills you never complained, never made me feel bad for not being able to contribute. In the end, I didn’t end up going into the field i received my degree in. I went back to my low paying job. You have never said anything other than “do what makes you happy.”
You dream. You have your own hobbies and want to share them with me, but don’t get put out if it’s just not something I’m into. You fit like a glove into my family. Even my dog loved you immediately.You make plans and day dream with me. Your crooked smile, it gets me.
You are artistic and logical. I knew I loved you grocery shopping one day. ( i think before you officially moved in with me) We were picking out bread, I was looking in one direction and you were looking the other way, some stupid song came on the speakers in the store I started dancing around being silly. When i turned around, you did too and you were dancing.

lost in thought

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maybe its just because of the holidays and maybe its just my own over sensitivity to things but people seem increasingly religious lately. people who are normally calm level headed raging against “happy holidays.” People who are normally non-religious in every day vernacular wishing “blessed” holidays or similar. Though OtherJ and i noticed the other day, that even on our little redneck area of the planet we have not seen one sign that said – specifically – ‘Jesus is the reason for the season.’ This tiny thing made us happy. The awareness to these things may be stemming from the fact that I am increasingly anti-religion in general, though I don’t remember being pro- religion any time in recent history. I have some family that are very religious but they also seem to be practicing what they are preaching and focusing on the being a good person good to other people rather than the exclusionary parts. Actually almost all of my family who is religious is this way it seems… maybe i should focus on that part rather than the small things that just rub me the wrong way. We don’t have to agree on everything. Maybe its the two faced part of religion that just gets to me. Saying one thing and then completely ignoring the other parts… picking and choosing from whatever fits their purpose at the time. at least admit to it. *sigh* I don’t think I have a religious bone in my body. Maybe I’m just lazy or too apathetic. I’ve been working fine from internal disapproval and guilt without the added pressure of someone else looking over my shoulder and watching me live in sin. Which part of me is perfectly happy to continue to do based on the fact that not everyone is doing it by choice. Considering the definition of words changes overtime a million times why is it that everyone is hooked on a word that has been an exchange of human cattle and more of an economic status to something that is pseudo-religious and just a means to show legal responsibility for children. Why is it now that people care about defining it so stringently and making so exclusive. More and more people are not doing it at all because – well there isn’t much of a point depending on where you live. Though there is a tax break here, if you’re not religious there isn’t much more of a reason. You don’t have to be legally bound to another person to throw a party and celebrate with the other people you love, but I don’t think they’d be as willing to give you presents or travel across the country. “Think of the children…” I’m not convinced I want children. And even if I did want/have them, I’m not convinced you need to be married in order to have them. I know many perfectly happy people unmarried -by choice or not- who have perfectly happy relationships and well brought up children. If in some distant (my version of distant at this point is 10 years) future I change my mind and make procreating a goal in my life, this whole “think of the children” idea may be part of that discussion, but it might not. OtherJ and I have three friends getting married this year (officially this year now), I have at least one having more children and I am perfectly content to live vicariously through them for the moment. Part of me wants to get married in the future. No real logical reason other than wanting that legally binding declaration celebrating with friends and family. I sometimes wonder why non religious people want to get married – but then i remember there are certain benefits here. What happens if someone needs to make medical decisions, what happens to any sort of pension that may exist in the future, other little things for surviving family members; legal family members not just the people you consider to be your family. Sometimes I feel completely alone in how I think. I realize that no one is going to think exactly like me, but there are times I feel like none gets it – at least not all of it. My friends & family range from the one end of the spectrum to the other so I can understand no one really understanding. OtherJ gets me for the most part, and the parts he doesn’t he tries to if I can get the words out to explain. I’m happy with that. It would probably be less interesting if it were any other way.

Today I read “Ten Challenges of the Religious Community,” by nakedpastor. It made me happy and started this whole rambling session. Normally I follow the Friendly Atheist, Praying to Darwin, and the Redheaded Skeptic . Though Praying to Darwin is not normally any where close to religious – she’s funny and Canadian – so I love her. I’d look into being Canadian too if it weren’t so cold to live there. Something else I’ve been reading/looking at recently because OtherJ is mostly if not entirely Buddhist is http://www.buddhanet.net, which is more philosophical than religious. Maybe I’m swinging that way but I’m probably too angry and confrontational to be Buddhist. I don’t think I’d last very long. Its a good think I’m mostly a coward and non-confrontational otherwise I’m sure I’d have had my ass kicked more by now.

Events to look forward to this year?
getting to meet Miss Madeline, Kris and Trent’s wedding, Matt and Marie’s wedding, visits to MI, PA and NH, a real vacation, Ashley’s babies, and I’m sure there are more but those stick out in my head right now. I’m sure I’ll be able to fit more events to look forward to in to the year and I’m sure a lot of those events will within the events listed above. If I’m missing anything let me know.

Now how’s that for the first post of two thousand and ten? Maybe I should do this more often.

Word count: 1003 TLDR: meh meh meh meh, meh