Day-25

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I think life has not turned out like I had really expected it. For a long time part of me expected to be dead by my early twenties. Not because I wanted to die or even expected it but because I do not think my 12 year old brain could comprehend getting older beyond that. Looking back it seems silly if not insane, but it was an idea I kept back in my head.
Maybe something similar did happen, in my early twenties I did let go of a previous version of me. I became less stressed and uptight and more free from drama. I am still working on it. But it is certainly not how I had life planned at 12 or even 20.
I left for college never planning on getting married or settling down. I just could not see it in my future. While I was mostly sure I would not die in the next few years I had planned to be doing grand things and off seeing and experiencing the world. I did not realize that this sort of thing takes more effort than I might be willing to invest.
I ended up being more concerned about things and evens that didn’t matter (as mentioned in a previous post).

Life now is drastically different than what in had expected early on, in wonderful ways. If I do have a need yo expect an outcome I try really hard to plan and put in all of the efforts required, but I also try and tell myself that if it turns out different then that is OK too.

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