Last week there was another new girl in class. It made me feel better to see where how far I’d come and feel like I kinda knew what was going on. It gets easier.
A has decided that this class just isn’t for her, so I’m alone here on out. I’m ok with that. I think i just needed someone for the first day to figure some things out, but I’m totally fine by myself now. The ladies are great and welcoming and it is not at all intimidating.
I have not noticed any weight differences, but I don’t get as winded as I used to so I count that as a win.
Food challenges are dumb. They are and I want a donut. Which is why No added sugar is my new food challenge. No other reason than to see if I can do it really.
Rules are simple to remember, even if they are hard to enforce.
1) no added sugar – this means reading labels and no sugar in my coffee.
2) no fake or substitute sugar – also reading labels and no mixed drinks with coke zero
3) fruits and veggies that naturally contain sugar are fine, especially if you buy them in their raw forms
Now I don’t add sugar to many things as it is, but after looking at labels, it’s in a ton of things. Tomato soup?
Breakfast is a bitch and there are exactly two (cold) cereals at my usual grocery store that do not have sugar. Looks like I’ll be eating Puffed Wheat and berries for a month. It’s also a good thing that I like oatmeal and veggies.
I am also not starting out cold turkey. I was half way through a box of cereal when my week started, there was a half full jar of pasta sauce and a I did not check the dressing of my vegan pad Thai last night. I’m not keen on letting food go to waste so those will be used up before using alternatives with no sugar. I’m not sure if I’ll worry about bread if I want a piece or a sandwich, I doing eat much and we purchased super low sugar bread as it is. I’ll decide when it comes time.
These past three days have not been bad. But right now there are free donuts in the break room and I really want one. 23 more minutes of work and I think I’ll succeed in not eating one.
Week two was better than week one. It seemed slower but probably wasn’t. The older women I was standing between were kicking my butt. I have nearly zero abdominal strength and can’t really do sit ups.
This time I went alone because A had to be an emergency baby sitter. The other ladies in the class are super welcoming and encouraging, so I almost didn’t notice that I didn’t actually know anyone there.
Oh and my knees decided to go on protest. Gotta remember my braces next time.
You are really shitty at keeping a schedule. You may have only gotten these done on time about half of the time. Next time you really need to screen these prompts for religious connotations. Maybe be more realistic about times these need to be done especially when you are going to school and working and looking for more work. Once a week, every other day?
Stop being a slacker.
There are more people in my family that mean alot to me than who don’t. I don’t like this question because it implies that there are situations where this would not be the case and that really just makes me sad that other people were not as fortunate as I am.
I will have to go with my Dad on this one. Family seems to mean everything to him. Taking care of everyone else and being the leader. This may not be the ideal for him all the time and I’m sure he needs a break. I am sure he has sacrificed a great many things over the years just to keep his kids clothed and fed and with a house going to school every day. We never struggled as kids to have anything we needed. He got a real adult job and has kept it for nearly 30 year. I’m sure there are many times he has wanted to tip his desk over and just walk out. I’m sure he’s wanted to do that at home too.
He is the person I used to watch cooking and home improvement shows with. Read comic books and watch xfiles with. He has taught me how to cook and to sew. There are a couple of things that he has said to me as I transitioned from a little girl into more of an adult that I remember.
When we was dropping me off for college he said “whatever stupid things you do, don’t do anything that would hurt someone else.” I’m still not sure if that meant drunk driving or getting knocked up. I have never done either.
Once when I was getting ready to move he said, ” Don’t belittle who you are with. Don’t talk about him behind his back and don’t talk down to him in front of other people. ” I don’t remember what brought this about, but I have tried to remember it. I try really hard to be a united front in my relationships. I have noticed that women in general need to have the upper hand and will often make snide comments. I can see how people get beaten down and emasculated from years and years of this. I chose my husband to be my partner I want people to see us as equals and I have nothing to prove. I especially want other people to see hims as awesome as I do.
I’m glad my dad provided such a great example for men in my life even if I haven’t always paid attention.
I think I’ve mentioned this I don’t remember having big dreams as a kid.
I just want to be happy. I want to live a life that means something to someone. It does not have to be a big influence to the world, but I want someone to be better because of me and for that to be passed on. If I have made some kid smarter while I was teaching or if letting two girls in my class express themselves in the name of tolerance and that goes on to make them better and they make the world better, thats all I want. Who knows what great things have started by something so simple.
I hate the term butterfly effect, but little things do matter and they can matter in the long run. My biggest dream is to be the tiny influence for something greater. I don’t have a goal or anything monumental I want to accomplish in the here and now. I want to be happier than I am sad or angry or annoyed.
My cousin and I are 8 months apart in age, so this means for 4 months of the year (really 3 and a week) we are the same age. This used to drive me nuts, and she would make sure to rub it in when we were little.
She was my best friend growing up. We grew up playing barbies and having sleep overs before we started school and made other friends. We racked up $50 on grandma’s phone bill calling 1900 psychic numbers when we were little during one sleep over. I got in trouble she or her mom may have denied it. Grandma’s phone will still get the occasional call for the made up names we used. We went to vacation bible school at eachother’s churches two weeks out of the summer. It was really the only reason I went at all. We went out as teenagers and were teletubbies for our last Halloween trick or treating.
When she moved 12 hours from our family (with her boyfriend) she called me to ask me what I thought. It meant so much to me. I had just moved across the country with a guy I hadn’t been dating too long. I was the first of our generation to move away. I was the only one at the time. That took the heat off of her, at least she was a day’s drive. When I moved within a days drive she found out she was pregnant and moved back home. I still have a screenshot of her myspace page announcing she was headed to this hospital to have the baby.
Now that we are older, I wish we lived closer.
How do you deal with both success and failure?
I am horrible at dealing with success. I often do not take credit for it or even acknowledge that it has happened. My expectations for success feel much higher than I see other people being OK with. This makes it hard for me yo get excited about completing anything or doing something well because I always think “well of course, that ID how it is supposed to be, why is this special ?”
This is a silly way to think most of the time. Ever small success should be honored, this is how we positively reinforce them to happen again and continue happening. This is how you train children and dogs to be good citizens. Logically I know this, but I still do not have a good idea how to make success easier to deal with.
Failure can be much worse. Think horrible screaming tantrums. I get mad and depressed for a little while. I will cry. I feel guilty and play things over and over in my head and it may keep me awake for weeks without meaning to. And then I will think of a way to not do it again, how van I prevent feeling like that again in this type of situation. Sometimes it will work, sometimes my standards are too high and I just won’t put myself in that type of situation again.
I think life has not turned out like I had really expected it. For a long time part of me expected to be dead by my early twenties. Not because I wanted to die or even expected it but because I do not think my 12 year old brain could comprehend getting older beyond that. Looking back it seems silly if not insane, but it was an idea I kept back in my head.
Maybe something similar did happen, in my early twenties I did let go of a previous version of me. I became less stressed and uptight and more free from drama. I am still working on it. But it is certainly not how I had life planned at 12 or even 20.
I left for college never planning on getting married or settling down. I just could not see it in my future. While I was mostly sure I would not die in the next few years I had planned to be doing grand things and off seeing and experiencing the world. I did not realize that this sort of thing takes more effort than I might be willing to invest.
I ended up being more concerned about things and evens that didn’t matter (as mentioned in a previous post).
Life now is drastically different than what in had expected early on, in wonderful ways. If I do have a need yo expect an outcome I try really hard to plan and put in all of the efforts required, but I also try and tell myself that if it turns out different then that is OK too.