Author Archives: Jess

Sep23

Community and the need for people

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How does an adult become involved in a community (online or otherwise)?

So one way is to just show up, but then what about if you have a nearly crippling social anxiety problem?

My personal social issues are not crippling but I do feel awkward talking to people I don’t know. Does that get easier with practice? I have classes with real people and I make some small tall but not enough to make a real friend. Maybe I should ask people more questions. How do you learn to care about a stranger’s life?

 

Jul24

Quotes from the new mom (not me)

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One of my bestest and oldest friends just had a baby. ( who is godamn adorable and I wish I lived closer to steal and spoil, though she will not be at any loss for that anyway)

Baby girl is less than two weeks old, quotes like this from New-Mom make me laugh and love her.

I needed a human day. I didn’t make it out of pjs and robe yesterday and the pity party was starting to run deep. Today, I even squeezed into normal clothes for the occasion too. Today I feel like a rockstar.

Not as if there was any doubt, she’s going to be a great mom.

Jun30

Decisions

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I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen the others school with the rest of my friends and would I be in that picture with them.

But would I have still made it here. I really like here.

Jun24

brand new day

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Mehrabian’s findings:

7% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is in the words that are spoken.
38% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is paralinguistic (the way that the words are said).
55% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is in facial expression.

My goal this week is to focus on having pleasant facial expressions and try not to give out too many “wtf?” looks.
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Jun23

not the mamma

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There are 4 babies that I know of and am excited to come into the world this year. 3 of them are super close to my heart and I can’t wait to meet when I go back to the hometown for christmas. One may or may not be there yet when I get there, but will hopefully greet everyone around that time. I have so many plans for baby presents and crafts to make for the new mamas. (Two first children and a second). I have so many plans for all of the trips and places I want to be to soak in the happy of these new families.

And though I am bursting with excitement for these new little bundles of joy for these families… they also make me a bit lonely. The friend closest to me who also does not want to procreate lives 1000+ miles away. I live 800+ miles from the friends who can. Making friends as an adult blows.

Next semester I have real life classes and real life people in them. Part of that is making me excited to extend myself out into the real world a bit more. I start a new job tomorrow. My contract job has come to an end and I really hope the new postion will be a good starting point for a real career that I enjoy.

Mar6

Not a workaholic

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I am not one of those people who work all the time. Sometimes I will get caught up on a project but I never feel the need to always be at work. That could also be because I have a job, not a career. Even when I had a “career” teaching I never wanted to be working all the time, I just had too much to do, that it felt like I had to be working all the time to exercise get anything done.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have to manage people. I try to build a good foundation for the tasks I’m doing so with a) anyone else can do them with minimal preparation and b) that issues that come up can be handled or at least not ruin all the work that has been accomplished.
I don’t want to be at work all the time. I don’t want a job that I have to take home with me constantly. I say this as I’m working from home. But i know that I don’t have to do this every night or even weekly. Just when the extra time is required, projects few and far between. I try to have high standards for the job that I do so that I don’t have to scramble and I don’t feel rushed for my own fault. I do not see everyone I work with doing this.
I shouldn’t compare my work habits to others, but i do and even though I am stressed out right now, I know it is something that that will pass and it is not something I did to myself.
Really? I hate working from home when there are a million other things I could be doing. I really want to do some school work or talk to Jill who I haven’t been talked to in weeks. Baking bread? I’d rather be doing that.
I don’t want a job where it takes away from the quality of life I have with my family and friends. If that means never having a real career, that’s ok with me, life will have other meaning than what I do for a living.

Mar2

this post lacks an appropriate title

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So my employment status is a little less up in the air, which is good, but I will feel better when it has been finalized. I can at least plan on doing things that I want to later in the year – like going up north to visit family and maybe another vacation.

I’m debating taking a break from facebook and social media this weekend because it only seems to depress me. I see friends being happy with visitors and other friends and I just feel jealous where I would normally feel happy for them. It makes me feel a little vacant and lonely. I’m sure listening to all of my old music isn’t helping. The majority I accumulated when I had my close friends at hand all the time.  It makes me miss them today, instead of some days where it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

PAX is at the end of the month and we will be heading up to Boston with my littlest sister (w00 J3) and staying with our niece and inlaws. I’m excited to see family. I’m excited that we get to see my parents for a little while during the sister transfer.

Today is my sister J2’s birthday. She spent it in Hong Kong (well yesterday, timezones are weird.) Her present is still sitting in my dinning room. I really need to mail it. I can’t wait until she gets back to the states. We have odd periods of being close or adversaries. I’m sure this is normal…?

Today is also the birthday of our (basically) adopted sister J4. She is in Colorado with her sisters celebrating. They are posting pictures.

I think I’ve officially given up on my school work for today.

 

Feb4

Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself.

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Dear myself,

You are really shitty at keeping a schedule. You may have only gotten these done on time about half of the time. Next time you really need to screen these prompts for religious connotations. Maybe be more realistic about times these need to be done especially when you are going to school and working and looking for more work.  Once a week, every other day?

Stop being a slacker.