past lives

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I had a good long talk with a friend last night about past lives. Not the reincarnation kind, but the kind before now. For example, even at my age when I was 18-20 seems like another life and really another me. Which seems normal and comfortable as my life evolves. I thought long and hard today about uploading old livejournal entries that I’ve had since i was 16 onto this domain. That is 10 years of my life documented. The good, the bad, the inane and the oh my god what were you thinking, potentially all in one place. I decided against it. It is a past life. Those years were parts of wonderful and parts of horrible like any young adult life. But my evolution has passed that stage. Even within the last 5 years then and now seem like two different people.

We’re not done (the royal we), but it has been a fun ride so far. Right now I have someone in my life that urges me to try new things and go new places and grounds me to the planet so I am a nicer person. I am a much calmer and sillier person. I am grateful for him. I want to be better. I think about grad school all the time. Law school (intellectual property law specifically), parks and rec, religion, history, mba… all sorts of insane things. I can’t decide right now (not to mention I don’t have the funding right now) and I’m really ok with that. I don’t want to go back to school unless I have a clue what I want to do with my life/next 5 years. I think about starting a hippy business and selling his pictures to people who love our scenery. I think about working from home some days because at least I’d save money on gas and could work in my jammies. I think about the rest of my life and see… nothing… like a blank canvas. Its scary and overwhelming and inspirational. Just waiting to be painted all over.

I’ll be visiting aspects of my past lives in a few weeks. I’m excited to see old friends and how they’ve evolved. I’m excited to know how far we’ve come from all our teenage drama. We’re real adults now. Scary.

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